Death of a Hag

Haha j/k lol rofl idk

As Samm meandered towards a saw mill, she saw a sign exclaiming "CLICHE DEATH IMMINENT, AVOID!" Unfortunately, as a lesbian hag, she is illerate and couldn't read it. However, she saw a handsome dyke stroll by who caught her gander.

The homosexual female introduced herself as Beatrice the Butch. Samm's curiousity was piqued by Beatrice's lumberjack shirt.

Suddenly, a meteor appeared in the sky, or so they thought. Actually it was a golf ball. After their close brush with death, they decided to have a civil ceremony and tie the (well whatever lesbians tie).

That night, Beatrice told the Hag to go get some smokes and throw paint on some rich woman's fur coat (all lesbians are card-carrying members of PETA, duh).

When Samm returned, Beatrice announced that their 4 hour relationship was built on lies and stormed out.

Samm was perplexed.

Samm was confused.

Samm was hungry.

After Samm saw a man holding Beatrice's dress and walking down the street, she realized that she had just married a tranny.

This realisation led Samm to drink.

I don't mean Barbara Walters drinking, I'm talking Whitney with too much coke and a closet full of tequila drinking.

After Samm had OD'd, Bobby Brown came to her in a dream and told her to XXXXXXXXXX (I can't repeat it, it's too vile). This disgusting statement brought Samm back from the brink of death.

As she gazed around the room, she noticed that all of her furniture was gone.
The hippies had visited.
Damn hippies.

So, Samm did what every lesbian does when confronted with hippies, she sent an angry letter to the hippie times.

Unfortunately for Samm, the hippie times was now led by Al Gore.
No one sends angry letters to Al Gore.

So, Al Gore did what every has-been turned environmentalist EIC would do, he sent her a tree with a leprechaun assassin hidden inside.

After the tree had been delivered, Samm rejoiced because now she could practice her topiary skills. As she began trimming, the leprechaun struck her pot of gold with a taser.

Then, he stuffed her mouth with the last remaining famine-era potato.

She struggled, but he was a wry leprechaun. He finished her off by putting the weave of death over her dyke spike.

And that is how the Hag died.
Sorry Hag